Off the Charts

It's been 5 months....5 months......5months....

Uggghh, how I hate to admit defeat. It doesn't matter if I have lost the battle or the war, it all feels terrible. My weight remains unchanged and each little fat cell appears to be filled with self loathing. Thats why they are so damn hard to get rid of. I'm resigned to the fact that the whole purpose of this blog is lost on the million random things I've done to lose weight in the past five months. I am also resigned to the fact that I am probably going to be hyper focused on the weight issue for my life's entirety.

So what now? Admit my faults?  Ok... 1. I am an impulse eater. 2. I have a raving sweet tooth. 3. Forget #2 ... I have a raving everything tooth. 4. I have workout ADD, I just don't like to do the same workout for very long. 5. I make bad food choices when I am in a rush or under stress ( which is pretty much all the time). 6. I HATE feeling hungry. 7. bla, bla, bla, complain, complain, complain.

I don't for the life of me want to accept that this will be uncomfortable, challenging and require effort EVERY single day. Who wants to deal with that!!! I hear all this nonsense about lifestyle change, like its about health.... like it's about some really noble cause. It's NOT, not for me anyway. I just want to rock a size 6 everyday. I just want to feel comfortable in something other than comfy pants. I am not fighting for some great pride worthy cause. I'm so freaking shameless, I want my waistline and the confidence that accompanies it.

I guess I'll hash out a new plan....

love
Chan