Figures

                                       

               I guess I left off on thursday..... and to put  it plain..... it didn't go as planned.
As some folks know, I spent a month off of skates due to bruised ribs and was recently cleared for contact. Now the fact that I pretty much  manipulated my doc into clearing me WAS irrelevant, but apparently not so much anymore. So open scene...Thursday at MELT..... here I am lying on the floor foam rolling my spine and "CRrrack" I hear and feel that horrid sound I felt when I previously was injured, accompanied by a fast sharp pain. I catch my breath and realize the pain is gone just as fast as it came and decide perhaps foam rolling is not a good Idea. I go to get off the floor and "whoosh" the room starts spinning at warp speed, I lose all muscle control black out and hit the floor. Now I use the term black out simply because everything turned black however I was conscious throughout the entire event. I probably couldn't have spoken to you but I was there. With in a few moments everything was back to normal and I slowly got up, shook it off and did my work out. I was alittle nervous about the whole thing so instead of going to the Roller Rink, I went home. Just as soon as I got home I bent down to hug my son and BAM there I go again...... I'm starting to be very thankful that these happen while I'm close to the ground..... cuz my even though it didn't hurt when my head hit the floor , I knew it probably should have. So 2 more times after that I go through this whole "Black Out" thing again. As a nurse I know a few things about syncopal episodes and why they happen, it's not my specialty but I know a bit. So Im drawing the lines and connecting the dots. From what I can tell It should probably be either so orthostatic issue or vasovagal episode, I think this because everytime it happens I am changing position, not drastically ... I mean once I was just simply shifting my weight. But thats the simple explanation so I go with it.  I go down the list:  Am I hydrated??? YES! Have I eaten???? YES!!! Have I had normal BM's??? YES?  Am I in pain??? NO. Perfect I have no reason to be passing out......... but wait......I AM passing out. Next step.... write it of and go to bed.... probably a freak thing.
         Here comes friday and to be honest I wake up having totally forgotten what happened, get up and go to work. Friday was a painfully slow day in the ER at childrens, so I checked my email and browsed this new website from Joe Carabase  ( the Guy the owns MELT fitness). The site is cool, it's filled with interesting nutrition and fitness information. There's not a ton of stuff on it right now but what he has on it is good. One of the things he has put on it is a formula for calories needed in order to maintain or reduce weight. We all know where I stand on the issue so I plug in my numbers and voila....... What the FUCK???!!! The formula has  shown that I need to take in nearly 2000 calories in order to lose weight. I think I am going to lose my mind when I see this because I know that on weight watchers I am barely eating 1000-1200 calories. All of a sudden I realize that I have probably driven my metabolism into the dumps with my amped up workouts as of late. I don't know what to do so I start freaking out, and browsing the internet for any validation of this formula to see if its actually possible that I should be eating that ungodly amount of food! I come upon Livestrong.com and they seem to have their own formula which has me taking in about 1500 calories in order to lose 2lbs weekly. The maintenance calories for both formulas is pretty much the same, so I figure the difference is based on a 1lb weight loss weekly VS a 2lb weight loss weekly. Again the validation of this formula is TORTURE. I Not only could I have eaten more the week before ... I SHOULD have!!! Maybe I wouldn't have gain 4 flippin pounds! Anyhow.... I am sitting in the chair talking about this frustrating issue with a co-worker when WHAM the room starts spinning and I slide half way out of the chair having a black out. This time I'm alittle nervous because there was absolutely no reason for it to happen, I hadn't changed position... I hadn't even coughed or looked in a different direction. The events of the day before start flooding back to my memory and I start to become anxious. I realize that my rib has been bothering me again.... I had taken ibuprofen for it twice that day( I hadn't done so in a week... except on derby days). But whats bothering me most is this ..... how can I drive home knowing that I will not have time to stop the car before I lose control of my body.... should this happen while I am driving..? It's a possibility now....
I do drive home friday night, nervously and stubbornly.
                 On my way home, I was emotionally disoriented. Angry and frustrated not only because I had eaten next to nothing... for nothing.... But also because I now had a new medical issue I would have to deal with! This coupled with my left chest which was getting progressively more painful led to the reality that I would likely not be able to fully participate in derby for a new undetermined amount of time. Can anyone say.... SOUL CRUSHING! So I did what all normal people do in an emotional crisis... I stopped at Xtra- Mart and got a pint of Ben and Jerry's.......
             I had my way with Ben and Jerry's cookie dough on friday night...... and saturday I awoke with atleast a few pounds of guilt. I got on the scale... so I could measure my shame and defeat..... and I'm not shitting you.... the scale read 184.9lbs. I lost just over 4 lbs??????? My first thought was,...... Ben and Jerry's ...... Thats the secret to dieting!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not true, I'm sure ...... but its a pretty comforting thought!
            So I've done some research and realized I need to rework my plan... I have written out some menus and shopping lists, preparing to change my diet. The menu's range from 1500 to 2200 cals based on my length and intensity of workouts. The only problem is I can't grocery shop till payday on friday, so Until then Im going to have to wing it and just watch what I put in my face.
       I have not had any further blackouts since friday. I've had  a few dizzy spells each day  though and Im really sad about this whole issue. I haven't called the doc yet..... I don't really want to, I know she won't let me put roller skates on..... and Im worried she may even ask me to stop working out for now. I guess I can't have all my dreams crushed before I even get off the ground. I'm going to do it..... I will.... Im just sad.... Because I would rather not deal with it....